I don’t know how this works for everyone, but my heart and head are never in sync, or on the same page…..sometimes they aren’t even in the same book! This past week there has been a tug of war going on inside me, and I am stuck in the middle of them. My heart is pleading it’s case and asking for mercy – leniency – and it usually works in most situations. This time though, my head is strong, standing-firm, and I honestly don’t know where it got it’s will-power from.
My heart has always been the controlling factor in every decision I’ve made, and my head would just sit there and shake like a bobble-doll at my decisions. I think it’s tired now……maybe it’s seen enough tears pour forth from it, or maybe it’s exhausted from aching. Whatever the reason, it’s not backing down.
I can literally feel myself being pulled by both of them; my thoughts are jumbled, vision is blurred, and nerves up and down my spine are aching. My heart is racing as if veins have been shut down and blood flow has ceased until the road block up ahead is opened.
Do I choose my head? The one fighting so desperately and begging me to listen to it just this one time, and leave my heart to pick up it’s pieces after?
Or do I choose my heart? The one that has kept me like this my entire life:
And have to listen to my head beating the words, “Dammit woman, I wish you listen to me just once so you don’t have to keep going through this over and over again?!” for the rest of my life.
Or is there a balance somewhere in the middle that will make all of us happy?
I see a day of meditation on the horizon……